Yes, I need a text message from God. I have been praying about the decision to work or stay home next year. For several months now, I have been grappling with the idea of going back to work in August. Yes, I actually LIKE my job. I enjoy the time away from the kids and house chores (NO I am NOT a bad mother for saying it!), I work with amazing ladies that bring joy to my life, keep me laughing and give great companionship and advice when I need it. I enjoy teaching children and watching them succeed and prosper academically and socially all because I worked hard to "help them achieve"! I enjoy feeling like I have a tangible task ahead of me and challenges along the way to conquer in a day. I have phenomenal parents I bond with each year. So, yes, my job is a great one and I have been incredibly blessed to have it for 7 years. HOWEVER, for the first time in my life I am questioning whether me working my "job" would be the best choice for my family. It seems easy to say, STAY HOME...but many factors are involved in me staying home. This is a hot topic in our society..Moms who stay home look down upon those who work, and those who work think moms who stay home are crazy for not working! I have many friends, those who work and those who don't, and guess what...they all complain and are stressed out in equal amounts. I don't see the moms I work with any happier or more miserable than those of my friends who stay home. Each side has their own set of problems and stressors! So I am not searching for advice in what is the best decision for me, but what is the best decision for my family. I know God will give me a peace in what I should do. I earnestly feel that seeking HIM in this matter is more important than seeking the approval or advice of others.
I remember the verse Jeremiah 29:13 from my hospital days. My sweet husband sent it to me for my scripture wall. It says: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart"
It is so true...seeking HIM with all your heart and finding HIM. Have you ever felt distant from God? We all have moments of drift. I think so many times we have concerns or problems within our lives that we assume can be handled from our own expertise. During our struggle we sense that God is not near, but far away. But then I think when we are left empty from trying to handle life in our own ways, that is when we go searching for God. My journey with the boys was a difficult one, the hardest thing I have ever had to come to terms with in my life. It wasn't until I finally hit my knees and sought HIM did I feel peace during my pregnancy. At times, I felt a spiritual peace that I know only comes from being in the presence of God. I will never forget the feelings of the shear terror and pure elation that wrapped so tightly around my heart during that time in my life.
If it happens to be that I go back to work, our family will be fine and we will survive best we can. If it happens to be that I have to re-direct my lifestyle to become a stay at home mom (temporarily), we will survive best we can. I know in my heart, that whatever decision I do make, will be made with careful thought and deep prayer.
I still stand in awe each day that I look at these precious baby boys and remember how incredibly fragile they were just 4 months ago. I savor each day with them. I take it all in, beacuse I know from previous experience, when the time is gone...it is gone!