Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Rob and I visited the boys tonight and they both seem to be at the same status as yesterday. Doctors plan do cardiac ultrasounds tomorrow on both boys. They have both been off the dopamine and caffeine all day and tonight as well (if blood pressure is stable). If the heart scans look okay tomorrow, they won't have to go back on the dopamine/caffeine. Please be in prayer for the heart scans to be clear and their hearts to be functioning strong and stable.
The pictures posted are of John David tonight. James was totally sleeping. John David, however, was putting on quite the show....Notice the first picture is of his eyes open and him settling back down after being extremely stirred up after a diaper change. During his diaper change, he was screaming and crying (actually had tears), flailing his arms and kicking his legs, grabbing his feeding tube. Rob and I just laughed and stood amazed at how strong his two and half pound body looked as he pitched his fit. The next picture is of him holding my finger. I was able to take his temperature (not a big deal to most mommies, but it made me feel great just to touch him). The last picture is of his hand snuggled next to his face, but notice the position of his "finger"...hahaha!
I want to thank you all for your daily comments and e-mails of love and support. It is truly uplifting to feel the compassionate support we receive from so many of you. I told a friend of mine today that in a bad situation, it is important to find "good". Of course it is easy to talk it, but sometimes hard to walk it! Some good must come out of some bad, whatever the situation one may be facing. But during my quiet time this afternoon, I began thinking of the "good" I could find in the "bad" I am dealing with. SO here is my quick list:
I don't have my babies to hold, snuggle with, nurse, kiss, rock, sing to, bathe, clothe, and smell; but I have them, Praise God....and that is GOOD!
I don't know the future for these precious miracles, but I rest in my Faith that GOD does...and that is GOOD!
Having my babies live in an Intensive Care Unit at the hospital is heart wrenching, but it has allowed me extra time to rekindle a special Mommy and daughter bond with my girls....and that is GOOD!
Pumping around the clock reminds me of not having them to nurse and hold close which makes my heart ache each time, but I am able to supply them with "liquid gold" once they are ready...and that is GOOD!
I received an email today from an old church friend and it made so much sense. No matter what you are dealing with in your own life or have dealt with in the past think about this:
Our emotions during difficult times are very curiously intertwined. We must endure sadness to appreciate joy, and both sadness and joy reveal what is really important to us. Conflicting emotions like terror and elation are also strangely connected. I understand elation better because I have experienced terror. Webster’s Dictionary defines terror as "Overwhelmingly intense fear" and elation as "Filled with great joy."
I can't tell you how many times in the past months throughout this experience I have been face to face with both terror and elation. Amazing what God has taught me through it all. My prayer for anyone enduring the pain of an uncertainty and the joy that comes after the terror, is that you find yourself surrendered to God and in a real place of TRUST in knowing HE has it all planned out according to HIS purpose for your life.
As always, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for praying for our family and our little miracles God has blessed us with.